Excerpts from
"The Drunk Monologues"
by Diane Spodarek

I was born in motion, the train rocking and surging, metal against metal, I popped out on a double seat in a town called Puce, which is French for flea, or so they tell me, fifteen miles east of the city of Windsor. Water, blood, afterbirth and my mother's tears mixed with clapping and cheering and a champagne toast. Some fell on me and at birth I was already moving and drinking. It was New Year's Eve at the end of a decade.

Excerpt from Train Birth.

I grew up in Detroit, the Motor City. Motown. Hitsville USA.

I was born with the sounds of rhythm and soul in my blood. Nothing made me feel as good as I did when I was singing Motown pretending I was a tall black boy, until I discovered vodka.

Excerpt from Smokey Robinson

One night when I was taking a bath, my husband came home with a guitar and sat on the toilet seat and told me I was going to have my own band, he knew music was my real love so Dangerous Diane and the Dinettes was born that day in the bathroom.

Excerpt from Patti Smith

I met Patti Smith in The New Miami Bar before she moved to Detroit.

Hey Patti, remember when The New Miami Bar threw you out after you tore down the bathroom door?

My band rocked the house in that same bar, the same stage that Patti and Mitch and everyone else who lived there, came there and performed there, got up on that stage and kicked ass and played rock and roll.

I don't know what happened. I just said "I quit", walked off the stage, got a beer at the bar, and watched my band play without me. After a while, they stopped playing and quit too. It was that simple.

We remained infamous. There were at least two bars in Detroit that had drinks named after me. The Dangerous Diane Cup of Coffee (black coffee and a shot of Canadian Club) was one of them.

Excerpts from Patti Smith

I was driving along with both hands on the steering wheel, and my head forward just a bit, to be sure I wouldn't miss anything, and I had one eye closed so I wouldn't see double. I was being very careful. I know seeing double sounds like I was really drunk but I wasn't. I see double all the time and if you close one eye, it's fine. Besides, when you're from Detroit, like I am, a car is just an extension of your arms and legs.

Excerpts from Drinking & Driving Dead Drunk

copyright © 2001 Diane Faith Spodarek
all rights reserved

The Guest Shack | Excerpts from The Drunk Monologues | Magic for the Millennium | The MFA Award | At The Silver Bird | TV Spies (a performance) | Videotapes